September 15, 2003 - "fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck" - two thoughts for the moment
charming people are like sparkling lights, blinding at first, but then they burn
you can have the most berautiful soul on the face of the earth, but if you don't have the facve to match, then it's entirely irrelevant, as it seems no one can see past the physical
August 29th, 2003 - "existential crisis" - what the fuck is upw with me? I don't understand what happened. Today, as I peered down at my wrist, which had a forty dollar cuff wrapped around it, it was holding a five dollar starbucks frappucino...
I don't know what happened or when... I feel like I've lost touch with who I am and what I care about. I feel like my corporate ethics are gone... my animal ethics are gone.... the stuff that I thought was so important for so long is reduced to a pile of ashes that can almost be swept away.
No one keeps me in check and neither do I. I've been caught up in a consumerist society in which the merits of my character are no longer relevant.... I almost feel as though I can be better defined by the shirt I wear or the places I shop than what I believe in and the essence of my spirit.
It's almost as though I no longer have a spirit and am a hollow shell of what I once was.
July 15, 2003 "happy?" - I think so. I'm in a marvelous job. I love every minute of it. It pays well too. I have great co workers. I love the city I live in. I've actually been really happy recently.
There's very little I could actually want right now. and for some reason, every once in a while, I feel sad. I don't know if it's the effects that some people have on me. I don't know if I'm really missing an important part in my life.
I'm sure it'll work out. once I actually know what is going on. I hope that's soon. but about 98% of the time I'm happy, so I just won't worry about it right now.
June 29, 2003 "pack up all my cares and woe" - Here I go... swinging low...... bye, bye, blackbird... well, bye, bye port alberni. I know I would let people know earlier, but there's a lot af things happening right now.
Well, I got the jo, so I'm the new Education Liaison worker for an AIDS group in Vancouver. I start this coming wednesday, so I'm totally excited for it. I'm staying with a family friend for the time being.... I've spent the last week parting ways with friends, family and my room *sigh*
I'll miss you room. but I get new space to work with now. and I get to live in Vancouver, which I've wanted to do for quite some time. packing is a bitch and wmoving the packed stuff is worse. owning stuff isn't all it's cracked up to be sometimes.
well, I took a break earlier int the week from the moving stuff to go to Victoria. not a happy occasion. My dad overdosed on Cocaine and had a heart attack. *deep sigh* It opened up a very large can of worms for me. like why he feels the need to do this? how selfifh is he? what was he thinking at the time?
how should I feel towards him? I went through a lot of anger.... and a lot of sadness too..... I dunno... I'm not going to see him for a while, so I can sort through it all.... so yeah....
on the upside....
I still love obstruction and all the people who work there.... Noel remembered me even though I hadn't been in in 8 months or so.
and I can't write anymore, so I'll catch you all in a bit...
June 13th, 2003 "oh the humanity" - So I'm getting really fed up with some things and feel the need to vent them here. I've been hearing som comments about me recently that have made me out to be elitist and racist.
To me this is absolutley appaling and offensive. I believe the motivation for the comments is that I try hard to "act white" and "impress white people", which to me is ridiculous.
The fact that someone can say someone "acts white" and "acts 'indian' " (wow, how un-PC was that remark... not my words though) shows a really limited perspective on how people should be. Therefore, I don't feel I'm at fault
